The Selective FE8 PME!
by Vanillite the Dragonslayer
Summary: A novelization told through the words of the modder himself, it's the Selective FE8 PME! Starring: Ballisticians, The FE7 Lords, Roy, Our Boy, Alexander Hamilton, Percabeth, hybrid classes, Orsin, Pugi, Erk with Rennac's clothes, Serra, some anime kid named Kamito, Shura and his boots, Natasha with Dark Magic, Draug choking points, Canas, Zygarde, Tigger, and Ganon. Oh, and Peggy.


**Behold, a fanfic based on my FE8 PME! This is also going to be posted on my brand-new AO3 account, under the name of PurpleMage. Also, FE16 hype! I really like Edelgard's modest design and the beret-wearing mages. Plus, robots are a thing for some reason, so hopefully we can see the return of Archanea-style ballistae? Who knows?**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own FE or any other IPs mentioned within the story.**

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Chapter I: The Start of the Madness

So I'm sure all of you have heard the backstory of the Sacred Stones by now, so let me just start with the fall of Renais.

In the halls of Castle Renais, a soldier rushed to the throne room. "King Fado, the walls have been breached by Emperor Zygarde's men! We have received no word from Prince Gary Stu!"

"Well, crud." The king muttered. He then turned to his 18 year old daughter Lyndis, and General Wolt, a 15 year old boy shorter than Lyn who was deadly with a gun, but deadlier with a jar of his own- wait, no, wrong description. Wolt was deadly with a bow, and even deadlier while riding a ballista. With his 125% Skill growth, his aim was true unless the enemy had terrain bonuses. "Lyn, are you wearing your bracelet?"

"Yup, father." She replied.

"Good. Wolt, take her and head for Frelia. King Hayden is an honorable man, he will grant you asylum."

"How about you, sir?" Wolt asked. The king slumped on his throne and sighed. "I will have to remain here due to plot reasons."

"Very well. Princess, let's go!" Wolt grabbed Lyn and they escaped the castle in his ballista, and as soon as they left the screen, King Fado was hit by Emperor Zygarde's Thousand Arrows move and then he died.

* * *

Outside the castle, Eliwood caught up to Lyn and Wolt. Eliwood was from one of the greater noble houses of Renais. He had a brother named Hector, who was with Prince Gary Stu right now, and they were Lyn's closest friends. Oh, and they were conscripted into the army, making them Wolt's subordinates. Now, you may want to ask (since I introduced Wolt, I presume), how did a 15 year old boy (younger than the princess, mind you) become the general of a country? Well, the answer is that Wolt knew how to use ballistae, immediately making him a top-tier unit. Plus, that undying loyalty, 125% Skill growth, and 110% HP growth helped out a lot.

"Lord Eliwood, ride ahead and tell Frelia of our coming. You can go undetected using your disguise, right?"

"Yup, sir!" Eliwood replied, putting on a common brown cloak.

"Hey mister, what the heck are you doing out here? We're in the middle of an invasion!" Wolt said to Eliwood, not knowing that it was still him. Eliwood's disguise was perfect! Then as soon as he rode off, Valter came up to the two of them.

"My, what do we have here? A mere child escorting the lovely princess? She shall be mine!" Valter attacked, activating his battle quote. "I am Valter, the Moonstone, Grado's finest general! And you're just a corpse who doesn't know he's dead!"

"Go, Axe Launcher!" Wolt cried, pulling the lever on his ballista. A hand axe shot out from the machine, but missed thanks to its 50% base accuracy. Valter countered by stabbing him in the arm with his Silver Lance. "Ow, my arm!" He winced, and began sobbing as he grabbed Lyn and rode off towards Frelia.

"Fly away, little boy, fly away." Valter mocked, "Try to outrun death. More time to savor the hunt... and the kill."

* * *

Thankfully, Wolt and Lyndis managed to escape to a map without any room for Valter. When they reached the tiny bridge, Lyn noticed her bodyguard crying. "Wolt, are you okay?"

"My arm hurts..." The teenage ballistician sniffled as he washed the blood off in the nearby river. "Lady Lyndis, that man was creepy."

"I know, Wolt." She replied, then took out a 5-portion standard-issue military ration. She took out one portion and held it to the boy's mouth. "Hold still."

Then she shoved the food into his mouth, packaging and all. Thankfully, the wrapper was made of paper, so it was edible. Yup, paper is edible. Pad paper in particular tastes great. Bond paper tastes bland though, and don't eat toilet paper. That's just gross.

The young general immediately perked up after eating. Military rations tasted great in this world, after all. Plus, the paper really added to the taste. "Thanks, milady!" In an act of gratitude, he hugged Lyn, which caused both of them to blush.

However, their sweet moment was interrupted by O'Neill the 'Hero' and his two Fighter mooks. "You there! Renais dogs! Where do you think you're going?" He said this loud enough for the duo to hear him.

The princess swiftly sprung into action, activating a critical hit using her Mani Katti and killing the first Fighter. During her critical animation, Wolt saw a glimpse of her long legs underneath her dress, causing him to get distracted and pull the lever on his ballista absentmindedly. The second fighter was then impaled by an Arrowspate bolt.

O'Neill grunted at the sight of his men getting their butts kicked by a sheltered princess and a little boy. "You will be the first to die!" He declared, then charged...

...then his Devil Axe backfired, killing him instantly. Unperturbed, Lyn and her ballistician boy-toy continued on to the Frelian border, hoping that they wouldn't be detained and deported as illegal immigrants when they arrived.

* * *

For some reason, the border fortress was only guarded by a lone generic, run-of-the-mill mercenary. Princess Eliza thought this was stupid. Why couldn't they have hired someone actually skilled, like the lethal beauty known as the Crimson Flash or that cute guy known as Our Boy? Eliza was right, because today the generic mercenary was killed by a generic general named Bob, who somehow dealt a critical hit using a Javelin despite having 0 Skill.

"Lady Lyndis, we must take the border fort back from those Grado troops!" Wolt observed. Lyn had a worried look on her face. "Eliza is in there, I hope she's okay." Unfortunately, they did not have the benefit of Eliwood's perfect disguises, so they were spotted by- "THE ENEMY!"

"Yup, I can see that, milady." Wolt muttered sarcastically and prepared an Arrowspate bolt, striking a soldier in the knee as Lyn gutted a nearby fighter.

As the battle began, Eliwood appeared from the north alongside an armored knight named Draug, known for his high defense. "Sir Draug, we have to help Lady Lyndis and General Wolt!"

"Do not worry, milord." Draug assured him, "DOGA WILL CHOKE THIS POINT!" And with that, he parked himself onto the nearby fort tile and lifted his Iron Archblade high into the air. Arrows suddenly came out of nowhere and lodged themselves in a nearby soldier's stomach.

Eliwood gripped his rapier tightly and thrusted it into a nearby fighter's shoulder. Then he did it again on the opposite side, somehow killing his opponent. Lyn zipped by and slashed at two enemies, who were then finished by two ballista bolts falling from the sky.

"Eliwood, you made it!" Lyn cried out as Wolt wheeled towards them, but before Eliwood could even reply, three reinforcement soldiers came up from the southeast direction. "I've found them! Stragglers from Renais!"

"Step aside, men. DOGA WILL CHOKE THIS POINT!" Once more, Draug demonstrated his point-choking skills by going to the southern fort tile and grabbing the nearest soldier's neck in a chokehold, before impaling his foe with the pointy end of his lance.

Since Draug was choking the point, the rest of the team was able to reach the boss, Commander Bob. "Bah, what a worthless lot of curs I've been assigned!" He complained.

"Craven cur!" Eliwood shot back, and charged with his rapier. But alas, he missed. Wolt had parked his ballista nearby, and attacked with his armor-piercing Axe Launcher. However, due to its 50% hit rate (again), it was not able to meet its target.

 _5 turns later..._

Finally, Wolt got lucky and managed to hit Bob, earning him a level's worth of experience in the process. Lyn went up and seized the gate. "Okay, is everyone accounted for? Where's Drau- GODS ABOVE, THAT"S A LOT OF ENTRAILS."

"Fret not, none are mine." Draug replied. He had to face the same reinforcements over and over again because someone activated a cheat that caused the turn to loop itself. Lyn just shook her head. "Never mind, let's go check up on Eliza."

* * *

Princess Eliza relished a lot of things. She relished her two sisters in all but blood, Angelica And Peggy. She relished her stepbrother Percy. She relished eating relish. Oh, and of course, she relished her best friend Lyndis, who entered her room in the fortress just now. "Eliza, you're unharmed! Wait, why do I smell smoke?"

"Well, some soldiers were assigned to capture me. I may not know how to use magic, but I know how to weaponize candles. Those soldiers sent to find me? I erased them from the narrative with the all-cleansing power of candle-fire." Eliza explained, with a creepy look on her face, then changed the subject. "Never mind that. Have you heard from Gary Stu?"

"Not yet," replied Lyn, "Come, we must head for Castle Frelia. I need an audience with the king." And so, they went to the castle, which, if you look into the game's data, is actually just a 2 by 2 patch of grass. But for the sake of the story, let's pretend it isn't. Everyone gathered in the throne room, which had a grassy floor left over from before the king decided to renovate. Eliza approached her dad. "Father, I bear good news. Lyn, you can come out now."

Lyn, who was wearing a disguise made by Eliwood (a brown cloak) came forward and removed her disguise. "Greetings, Your Highness. Has there been any sign of my father or brother?"

"I'm afraid I have some bad news to share with you," the king replied, "First, we still have received no word from Prince Gary Stu. Second, Castle Renais... has fallen."

"What? How?" asked literally everyone in the room, "And what of my father?" Lyndis asked, "Did he make it out alive?"

"I'm afraid that King Fado is no more. However, your brother is still alive. He and his troops troll Grado at every turn, using decoy golems and striking from afar."

"Your Highness, I must leave for Grado to find him! If what you say is true, we may be reunited! My brother is a part of me, I cannot live without him." Lyn said.

"Very well. I shall provide funding and some troops. Sir Draug, you shall accompany them. Where is Sir Boulder?" Right on cue, and extremely buff dude with an awesome mustache rolled up to the throne room. "Yup, milord?"

"You shall escort Lady Lyndis too. Now," the king scratched his chine, "Who am I forgetting?"

"AND PEGGY!" Came the cry of a young pegasus knight known as And Peggy.

"Oh, right. And Peggy shall be your third companion for this journey. I shall now provide you with 5000 gold."

Obtained 5000 Gold.

Outside the throne room, Eliza was talking to Lyn before she would leave. "Lyn, are you sure you don't want me to go with you? You could use a better Pegasus Knight."

"Hey!" And Peggy complained, "I heard that!"

"Sorry about that. But are you really sure you don't need my aid?"

"No, we cannot risk you falling in battle." Lyn explained, "Stay here in Frelia until Prince Percy returns."

"Okay, I'll do that, then." Eliza resigned, "Safe travels, then." And so, Lady Lyndis, with a small contingent of troops consisting of a young ballistician, a noble cavalier, a stalwart knight, Moulder the Boulder, And Peggy, headed off to Grado, to search for her brother, Gary Stu.

Oh, and also to find out why Emperor Zygarde and Prince Tigger suddenly decided to wage war, but that wasn't the current objective at the moment.

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 **And there goes the Prologue and Chapter 1! Of course, this is a PME, so expect a truckload of changes, both user-requested and some personal changes by yours truly. The Fort Mangs ROM-Hacking Sorcerers may think I'm a lazy bum for using FEBuilder and making a PME, but I do what I want to do, and I won't let other people tell me otherwise. And also, holy heck this story somehow became more violent than I expected.**

 **Up next: PUGI PUGI PUGI PUGI PUGI**

 **This is Vanillite the Dragonslayer, signing off.**


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